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The Fangirl

Long time geek, fangirl, mother, and reader. I've got a lot to say, you might not like it all, but it will be honest and hopefully helpful.

How to Discipline Your Vampire

How to Discipline Your Vampire - Mina Vaughn The original summary for the fan fic: Bella is a math teacher by day, a strict Domme by night. Edward is a sub looking for someone to punish him for his misdeeds. Probably the only BDSM comedy you will ever read. Probably the only vamp-subward you’ll ever meet. This had to be one of the most laughably bad Twilight fan fictions every posted on the internet. While I believe the author intended it to be cheeky, it overshoot that goal and became a ridiculous trainwreck pretty freaking quick.Then again the premise is pretty silly. Bella, or in this case Cerise (why can't any of these published Bella's have a regular name like Jane?), is a mild mannered teacher by day and a sassy Domme by night. Her life is turned upside down when she takes on a new client who happens to be a vampire. I'm curious to see how much "Mina" aka Snowwhiteheart stripped away from the Twilight world. Since she regularly forgot the Stephenie Meyer's Twilight mythos in regard to the sparkly stone hard vampires when writing the lulz worthy sex scenes that felt more clinical than sexy.Don't even get me started on the offensively inaccurate portrayal of BDSM (not to mention sex work, let's not even go there). Please for the love of all that's holy do not take a shred of what Domme Bella or Cerise (god what the fuck with that name?) says to be accurate. In fact, she's about the worse Domme I've seen in action. I wouldn't trust this woman with a toy dog, muchless a human submissive. Which is sadly not that different than a lot of FAKE BDSM erotica on the market. Written my ignorant and/or misinformed people who want to capitalized on the taboo while having little to no regard or respect for the community of real life people they're stigmatizing. Then again that kind of lazy writing characterizes this story as a whole. This is all tell and very little show. With excessive amounts of Thesaurus abuse, where Edward's voice is velvety, sultry and every other kind of $0.02 descriptor you can think of, but there's no real depth to his character that is actually shown on the page. He, much like Bella are two dimensional paper dolls being moved through the story not by realistic motivations, but contrived plot devices and forced emotions. That's the thing, as a fan fic that's dependent on your knowledge that these characters are the Edward and Bella from Twilight, the story is hollow, and soulless. Half of the humor is in referencing the source material, and without that this is just watching two empty people going through the motions.Oh, who [Spoiler Alert] fall in love and of course, live happily ever after. Because that's what Edward and Bella ALWAYS do. I doubt that part, or much of anything in this story has been changed other than the names. Let's hope for the sake of whomever buys this book she spent some of the advance she got from the publisher on a good editor and some writing classes, because even at $1.99 I can't see this sad little story being worth even one cent of someone's hard earned money. This is a fun waste of time, that you could laugh at with your friends, when it was free Twilight fan fiction, but I have a hard time believing that even the most skilled writer and editing team could breath life or depth into it.